|
|
When Two Worlds Collide
When I started this project I promised I would reveal the nature of hell and demons as well as the positive aspects of the human journey. Our purpose is to find our way back to the collective wisdom of Love known as Source energy or the Divine. Sometimes the journey leads far from the Light of Source. We can’t truly appreciate the wonder of being Source if we have no experience of the contrast? Or as my Grandmother use to say; you have got to take the bad with the good.
“Demons” actually come in two forms; the created version and the soul attachment more commonly known as “possession”. The created “demon” means pretty much what it sounds like; they are something we created. Popular culture would like us to believe that denizens of the deep are generated from the bowels of Satan to torment and test spiritual beings and in the end claim the dark souls for eternity. While colorful, it simply is not true. It is easier to believe something apart from ourselves is the source of fear, but in abdicating our connection to our creation we are also separating ourselves from our power.
We hear everywhere these days about the power of manifestation and that our thoughts become our reality. No one ever really talks about what happens with the deep fear that begins in childhood and grows with us; it doesn’t just dissipate like smoke in the wind, at least not without understanding, forgiveness and the reclamation of our power. Sometimes this fear becomes so huge and so demanding it actually gains a certain amount of consciousness and a “demon” is born. What is very important to understand is these acts of miss-creation have zero power except what we give them.
The second “demon” source comes from lost souls. Souls that have left their physical body at death and have not yet recognized the Light but wish to continue their existence on the Earth plain can find a “vibrational” match to which they can attach. These are not mean or evil spirits they simply fear the life review process or feel they have unfinished business. Just like a deadbeat relative who moves in for two weeks and ends up staying for months, they have found someone who can bankroll their vacation.
The term possession is a misnomer as these are more attachments than truly possession. You might wonder how you can be a vibrational match to a dead person. Energy is energy. The fact someone doesn’t have a physical body doesn’t mean they are dead; if anything they have a little more freedom. There are a number of situations that lower our vibration and make us compatible with an attachment. Illness, grief and fear are just a few of the factors that can lower our vibration and make us a match for attachments.
We are just beginning to understand the correlation between thoughts and physical illness. For example, when you delve into the background of someone who has been diagnosed with hearing problems you will generally find someone who doesn’t want to hear “something”. When you have been exposed to fear for a prolonged period this will manifest itself as a chemical imbalance in the brain resulting in depression and a whole range of what the medical community calls “mental illness.” This is actually good news for the patient and bad news for the “demon” because it forces the person to confront their fear and take back their power so the physical balance can be restored.
I would like to stress here the importance of releasing blame. While it is wonderful we have finally made the connection between the mental/emotional state and physical illness, there are some folks who use this as another reason to judge themselves or others for their situation. The human experience is a grand university. We are here to learn and grow and we write certain situations into our blueprint to expand our awareness. We need to please focus on the awareness and remove the blame component. Healing occurs in a supported loving environment and has a hard time getting a foothold when others stand on the sidelines throwing darts at the person trying to cross the finish line.
People often ask where might heaven be located. The answer is, right here, right now. Heaven exists all around us it simply vibrates at a different frequency than we can normally see with our physical eyes or hear with our physical ears. There are actually several dimensions that co-exist with us; some impact us more directly than others. There is a vibrational frequency lower and more dense than the third dimension in which we currently reside, and for want of a better term we will call it the second dimension. The vibrational frequency we call “heaven” or the afterlife is a non physical reality and we will call it the fourth dimension. Higher still is another physical reality we will call the fifth dimension. There are many others and we are not going to explore them in this book.
The second dimension is the realm of “demons”. Two dimensional creations have no power except what we give them. Because their vibration is so dense it accounts for that feeling of being “pulled down” many people report in the presence of this vibration. Fear can only exist in darkness knowing instinctively when exposed to the Light of Source energy it dissipates and must return our power to us. Darkness is defined by the distance away from the Light. When we examine the origins of our fear we find it exists in secrecy. Fear tells us to keep silent; we will be judged, punished or ridiculed if the secret is exposed. The “demon” becomes our protector, the only one who understands the darkness that dwells within. Fear makes perfect sense; it justifies our actions and bends the truth to suit its purpose. In time we give it some of our consciousness so we don’t have to think about what we fear. We give it free reign to attract and feed on an unlimited supply of fear. Now we have a partner attachment.
We all have our “demons”. Some are small little flies buzzing around to annoy us and others are raging monsters that demand all of our time and energy. One of the Universal Laws we accept when we come here, is the third dimension is a realm that exists in duality. Light and dark are required to coexist in equal measure. When we are finally brave enough to break this law we will be granted an eviction notice for disturbing the non-peace. In the mean time we learn and grow in awareness.
I came here with “experiencer” as a life purpose, and there are times when this expanded learning curve has taken me to realms I would have happily left off of my dance card. Fortunately I try to learn quickly so I don’t have to repeat.
Noel* came to me, referred by a friend. She was besieged by “demons” and was fully aware they were in attendance. She attracted the most interesting circle of people who were vibrationally aligned with her own need to be deeply entrenched in fear. She had so much relief from our first session she started bringing other clients. When I say bringing, I mean literally she would put them in the car and drive them to my house just to make sure they would show up. The first rule of “demon tossing” is not to engage them on their level. You find out what secret they are protecting, expose it to the Light and send the client home to process.
When Noel called to make an appointment for Vanessa* I should have heeded the alarm bells going off in my head but my own fear made me ignore them. We moved to Arizona after our grown children had all left home and the roof had collapsed on the metaphysical store where I worked under the pressure of five feet of snow. My parents had crossed and our children were grown so I was forced to slow down and the demons of my childhood were beginning to shorten the gap I had so carefully created. I instinctively knew what was coming and I wanted as few witnesses as possible to my shame. The recent move exacerbated money issues as we had to establish a new client base, so I accepted the appointment to see Vanessa.
Something felt “off” about Vanessa being in our home. Noel and Vanessa’s husband William* seemed to be almost guarding the door to prevent Vanessa from bolting. I led Vanessa down the hall into the healing room and closed the door. Her eyes darted around the room like a wolf being surrounded by hyenas, there didn’t seem to be fear, more a sense of preparing to do battle. I started the session as I do with all sessions; I provide a description of the work I do, careful to gage the reactions of the client, cognizant of using terms and vernacular familiar to them with guidance from their own angels and spirit helpers. I invited Vanessa to lie down on the table and the bells in my head were clanging louder. When I said something about the angels I work with she started screaming, jumped down from the table and literally ran down the hall and out the front door with her husband on her heals. Noel remained long enough to explain. She hadn’t shared the fact she had brought Vanessa here for a session with herself! She had told this poor unsuspecting woman that she wanted to stop by my place so Vanessa could “meet” me; she knew Vanessa would never agree to a session so she decided to ambush us both.
What happened next I heard about later from Noel. Apparently Noel asked Vanessa during the car ride home why she wouldn’t let me release her “demons”. Vanessa’s response was that they were her demons and she was going to keep them, this was followed by hysterical laughter that didn’t subside all the way home. Minutes after arriving home Vanessa took care of her demon problem by going into her bedroom and placing a gun to her head. The last words ringing in her head, “why won’t you let Melissa release your demons?” You can guess where her first stop after she exited her physical existence was, our home.
Like most children I was born with the ability to see angels. They filled my room every night watching and whispering of magic. Around the age of three I lost the ability to perceive them as light as my vibration changed my perception of them shifted and they became the “black blobs” waiting in the dark and hiding under the bed. By the time my father died shortly after my fifth birthday, they had become the monsters who had carried my daddy away. I knew I had to be a good little girl, perfect in every way or they would take me, just like they had taken him.
When Vanessa came to “stay” in our home I was already wrestling the demons of my own childhood. Disjointed memories were haunting my dreams and events, more importantly behaviors were starting to come into sharp focus. My own secret whispered for silence but my spirit longed for freedom, I had to know what I was running from, I couldn’t let this rob me of my power any longer.
My natural father died from an aortic aneurysm secondary to Marfan’s Syndrome in November 1962. He knew two years prior to his death that he would die. In the early sixties there was no open heart surgery and no valve replacement, so he lived with the knowledge that one day his heart would simply explode. His life had been a very difficult one and he often self medicated with alcohol to silence the demons of his own childhood. His mother was institutionalized when he was five after the birth of her fourth child. In the 1930’s you were just crazy, things like post-partum depression hadn’t been identified. The standard of care for crazy in those days was a revolutionary new treatment called Shock Therapy. She never left the institution and her children were farmed out to relatives, my father ended up with a “bachelor” uncle in Oklahoma. People back then used polite terms to describe eccentric behaviors; bachelor was a polite way of saying someone either liked men (gay) or children (pedophile). Unfortunately for my father his uncle was the latter. He left the farm in Oklahoma when he was 17 and never returned.
I knew my parents had been separated shortly before my father’s death but I didn’t know why. I assumed it had something to do with his drinking problem. I remember the fights between my parents because my father would single me out for expensive gifts and toys that our family could not afford. The gifts didn’t seem to materialize for my siblings. I just knew he always treated me like a little princess and I had the tiara as proof. It is not unusual for children who have suffered abuse especially sexual abuse to report memory loss. Whole chunks of time, even years simply vanish as if they never were. Child molesters are not born, they are created, often abused themselves, the normal boundaries do not exist because they have been cruelly breached in the formative years.
My father was allowed to return home a few hours before his death, he passed in his sleep shortly after three in the morning. I suspect my mother knew his time was short; it was the nature of her gift. My mother never spoke of my father again after his death until she was nearing the time of her own crossing. Children who lose a parent at an early age often deify the deceased, imbuing them with qualities that have no basis in fact. My mother didn’t want to carry her secret to the grave. The secrets she shared shredded every single notion I believed to be true about my father, the one thing she didn’t say was the one thing I needed to hear. Incest has always been part of humanities history, it isn’t any more prevalent than it is ever been, we simply hear more about now because of medical advances and information sharing via the media and world wide web.
My fear and my pride wouldn’t allow me to reach out for help even though I was rapidly descending into the dark abyss weighted down not only by Vanessa’s attachment and my childhood demons, but as I found out later, by the presence of my father’s ghost. When you work in my field people already assume you have a couple of screws lose so it takes a little longer to recognize behavior that others would characterize as “strange”. Five days without sleep exacerbated the odd behavior as I was fully in the throws of a psychotic break.
The neighbors finally called the police about the unwashed woman wandering the neighborhood talking to herself. The police representative who came to drive me to the hospital agreed not to handcuff me if I promised not to try and leap from the moving car. The issue with being psychic is I did see this coming. I had known this path was one I would have to walk, it was in my blueprint like an ugly ink stain for as long as I could remember. I was not powerless to stop it. I could have walked away, I could have taken a different path, but behind the locked door was the entrance to Hell, and the fastest way to the mountaintop of learning was through the valley of darkness. I stepped though those doors and said a silent prayer for the strength to return with my mind, body and spirit better for having made the journey.
The interesting thing about attachments is they always have an agenda. They have unfinished business and they want to complete their mission through the person to whom they have attached. It is surprising how quickly their disjointed thoughts become yours, their behaviors and obsessions start to take over your life. The battle rages and your body and mind become the battlefield. Soon your body begins to vibrate at the same frequency of a soldier who is exposed to the unrelenting sounds of exploding bombs 24 hours a day and you become part of the world of the shell-shocked walking dead. While trying to resolve the demons of being sexually molested by my father, I had somehow called his earthbound spirit to me; he had become the first attachment. Vanessa followed and the two of them waged war each trying to assert their own agenda. My father was trying to gain absolution and Vanessa wanted to find redemption.
My father’s energy was like the Ever - Ready Bunny on crack. Caught in some kind of demented time loop, alternately chanting some version of a Catholic prayer begging forgiveness and energetically bouncing around extolling the virtue of understanding and fawning all over my auric field, it was little wonder I slipped under the weight. Imagine someone dancing all around you, non-stop chattering, you forgive me, right? You know I love you, right? Every thing will be okay, tell me everything will be okay. The departed don’t require sleep, they can keep that up non-stop 24 hours a day.
Vanessa’s energy was that of a religious zealot. When someone ends their physical existence in an atmosphere of extreme confusion, they don’t necessarily gain any greater clarity once the spirit leaves the body. Vanessa was quite obsessed with the idea that “god” was constantly testing her and in order to gain entry into heaven she must pass an endless battery of tests. In the very interesting world in which she lived she had no idea that she had taken her own life, she believed she had been murdered or more appropriately, martyred.
You might wonder how I, a self professed Lightworker, could have allowed this to happen. The answer is we are all human and given the right set of circumstances we can lose control of our vibration. Did I know I had attachments? Yes. Did I know I was out of balance? Yes. Did I give the attachments control? Absolutely! It was easier and far less painful than the “real world” that was crumbling beneath my feet. In a really strange way it was like taking a vacation without leaving home. I was still me, I was still in there. Sometimes I was observing the events that occurred. There were times I was lost in the events but mostly I lacked the strength to assert myself. I had abdicated my power and it was so easy. I kind of enjoyed the “underground” as I passed back and forth between worlds. When you look at the monumental task of cleaning up after hurricane Katrina and knowing I had blown up the life I had created, I just wanted to rest before I started the process of fighting my way back to begin reconstructing my life.
A friend told me when you move to Arizona the spirit of the Phoenix takes over and everything you were before goes up in flames to be reborn from the ashes. I am a firm believer that you should give everything a 100% and when it came to transformation by fire I had certainly applied a blow torch to my professional reputation, my practice and my life and now everything was smoldering and there was nothing to do but start over.
I was admitted on a 72 hour psychiatric hold and ended up staying for ten days to be released only when my insurance ran out. Oddly enough the fact I was an intuitive is what prevented my release. Twice a day, everyday, I was asked if I heard voices or had visions. There was a knowingness inside me, I don’t know if it was something from a past life, but I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I denied who I was I would lose my gifts, I would lose myself. My strongest supporter through the whole ordeal was my husband. He would tell the doctors that “Melissa sees angels, she hears the voices of the guides; that is who she is, it has nothing to do with what is happening to her now.” Sometimes I wonder how he made it out the front door rather than being ushered into a padded room himself.
Thankfully I have lots of wonderful friends who showed up on the third day to perform an “exorcism” for Vanessa’s attachment. Divine beings of Light, they are they knew that I was going though something and while they may not have understood what it was, they came ready to kick butt and restore balance. They commandeered a waiting room, set up a table and convinced Vanessa that she had to move on. The hospital staff didn’t interrupt but they made it clear there would be no repeat of the treatment as it disturbed the other patients. I thought that was a very funny choice of words.
The two dimensional world that darkness inhabits is actually quite interesting. Everything is brown and grey and absent are the vibrant colors that exist in the other dimensions. There is one exception, higher vibrational humans. Rare creatures that are in alignment with source energy, free of judgment and fear they stand out like exotic flowers in the dismal landscape. Beacons of light, they bring awareness that we are not alone or lost in our fear. I strongly suspect that the spiritual icons Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed had this kind of light, a reflection of the divine so strong that others could “see” this light and declare that they were standing in the presence of god. The truth is we all have this light within us and when we allow the beauty and the love to shine through we become aligned with Source energy.
Once I was finally released I was sent home completely drugged out of my mind and still physically and emotionally out of balance. Unable to return to the environment that held too many painful memories I was offered sanctuary by my dear friend Divina and slowly after countless hours of talking through the pain and the fear I began to reemerge. I still had to deal with letting go of my father’s attachment and start rebuilding my life.
The truth of the matter was in the space of three short years without exception everything I had ever believed to be true had been torn asunder to be replaced by concepts and ideas which sounded outrageous but at the same time more based in a Universal Wisdom. There seemed to be no anchor, nothing to hold on to, everything was gone. My childhood up to the age of five was no longer a fairy tale; it was an awful bleak reality. Raised with traditional religious beliefs, the journey with my mother to the other side revealed those teachings to be false. I had been a business woman my entire adult life and now I lived a bohemian lifestyle that was rapidly leading us toward bankruptcy. Gifts which had been dormant for lifetimes had awakened and I was attempting to reconcile this expanded universal viewpoint with what most people consider “normal”. Unschooled in the metaphysical world I sought out teachers who were unscrupulous and took advantage of my naiveté. It wasn’t any wonder that I took drastic steps to escape the pain and disappointment.
Attachments become our friends, the keepers of our secrets and the enablers of our fear. Just like hostages who develop a connection with their captors it is difficult to see a future without them. But the day finally came when I knew I couldn’t help my father and his continued presence on the earth plain was not serving him, me or the Universe. My husband is a very powerful Lightworker in his own right so we set about sending my father to the other side. The process was physically and emotionally painful but completely necessary if either of us was to heal.
My physical body returned to balance very quickly after the release of the attachment. The chemical imbalance in my brain equalized and with the support of my doctor I weaned off of all the medications. The emotional scars took a little longer. I was diagnosed with a bipolar disorder even though I have never been subject to mood swings in my life. Oddly enough everyone with one exception that I encountered during my hospital stay was diagnosed with a bipolar disorder. The medical community has to have a name and a drug for every process that humanity goes through during our transformation and that is fine. Mass doses of fear will eventually cause a physical change in your body, and it is important to support that process. If you broke your leg, I would hope you would seek medical help to have it set. There is no shame or failure associated with needing help of any kind, fear will tell you differently. What is important is you address the fear and take back your power.
The second important part of the process is you can not abdicate your power to your doctor. If your doctor requires you to do so, you need to find another doctor. My doctor supported my withdrawal from all of the medications and helped me to do it in a way that safely allowed my body to return to balance. You have got to be honest; you have got to say that you have moments of anxiety or vibrational imbalance. I remained with my doctor for two years primarily because I wanted him to remove the diagnosis of bipolar from my record. The last time that I saw him and asked him to reevaluate my records his response was, “Well, you know, this could crop up again in twenty years.” I fired him.
Eventually I healed and as strange as it sounds the breakdown was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was able to reconcile all of the pieces of the past and lay them to rest. I don’t necessarily recommend this method of rapid evolution for everyone, but I created it, and the wisdom came forth so it was all good as they say.
I was ready also ready to find out what happened to my father when he reached the other side. I had not heard from him and I really had no desire to go poking through the cosmos for him. I contacted a friend who is the most powerful medium I know and asked her to find my father, and what she discovered was what I intuitively already knew. My father was in hell.
Remember, we create our after life experience just as we create our current life experience. My father fully expected to be consigned to hell after he passed so he remained earth bound to try and forestall what he had already decided was inevitable. Source did not create a place where Light is absent, our beliefs and perceptions create a place where we are in separation from the Light.
I asked, “Where is my father, why haven’t I heard from him?”
Rebecca* responded, “Does he have beautiful eyes?”
“Yes.” I was holding my breath. Maybe if she could see the beauty of his eyes he had made it to the Light.
“I am hearing the pounding of a hammer, a really big hammer like a sledge hammer, and it sounds like it is hitting rock.” My hopes were dashed with her words, he was doing hard time.
“I can see him, but he is really far away. There is a long dark tunnel between us and he is standing in a rock field at the base of a mountain. He seems to be confused, he hears my voice but he doesn’t know why he can hear me; it seems as if he hasn’t heard anything but his own voice for a long time.”
“Can you get him to understand that he doesn’t need to be there?” My heart was breaking.
“No, he isn’t listening; he keeps mumbling something about forgiveness. Have you forgiven him?” She paused thinking that I would say no.
“It isn’t about my forgiveness, I forgave him long ago. He can’t forgive himself, so he seems to have judged himself guilty and sentenced himself to hard time. Does he say when his sentence will be done?” There was silence while she tried to strengthen the connection.
“I am hearing the number eighteen, so like eighteen months.” It was more a question than an answer.
“The strangest thing is happening. I am sending Light and Love down the tunnel to him and it is being returned, not all of it but most of it. Apparently his is keeping what he feels worthy of and returning the rest. I will continue to send him love and understanding, but we can’t overwhelm him.” Imagine being overwhelmed by love.
The reading ended and I continue to send love everyday. I can’t go where he is and I wouldn’t want to. His goal is to reach the top of the mountain and when he does he will allow himself freedom. His presence outside the Light impacts us all, just like a big rock sticking up out of a pond it disrupts the gentle waves, and that is okay. We have all been where he is at some point in our existence as souls, we have all emerged and we have all moved on, so if you are concerned that he will never find his way back out please, have no fear.
His story is an incredible lesson in life, in love and in forgiveness. In the end we don’t need anyone else’s forgiveness; it is only when we can accept the wisdom and extend forgiveness to ourselves that we are the freedom we seek.
Vanessa is in a place she considers reserved for god’s chosen few, those who have martyred themselves for a cause. Just as the suicide bombers who walk into a crowded square and send themselves to heaven via the alpha and omega expressway she has yet to come to an awareness of her own divinity. She believes that by taking steps to rid the world of her collection of demons she has “earned” a special place in heaven just like any member of the god squad known as crusaders. We are all on a journey that will eventually led us back to Source, and the biggest part of the journey is to let go of our need to celebrate our individual accomplishments, and become the Source of all Love.